If there is a god, my god its a bad designer. Intelligent creation my balls. In all seriousness though. What the hell? Where do i even start? In this text, I will be going through top 10 horrible failings of the human form. the By the end, you, like me, will also want to abandon your flesh for the cold and unfeeling embrace of metal.

10: THE SKIN: Ahh, skin. As much as I love her, she is quite a nuissance. Sure, she keeps all the dirt out. All the grime. Great. But why, for the love of all things holy, does she get irritated by the most RANDOM of things? "Waa waa perfume im gonna break out into acne and your skin will hurt for a week" thanks a lot. Hate you.

9: THE RIBS: Bones are great. They're wonderful even. So wonderful in fact, that when they pathetically shatter, they RIP AND TEAR AT YOUR SUPPLE, VITAL FLESH. Thanks for all the support until shit goes bad for you. Selfish cunts.

8: THE IMMUNE SYSTEM: We all love and appreciate the complexity of the immune system, especially nowadays (Written at the dawn of the post-Covid era). Unless you're a victim of an autoimmune disease. Then you're sitting there like "Wow, all these complex mechinisms and feedback loops! I'm so bummed that they collapse and try to kill my own body!"

7: PANIC-STRESS FEEDBACK LOOPS: Ahh, fear. The most pure and primal of the human survival instincts. It has kept us alive for millions of years. But then, you feel a pain. You feel tired. Ahh, seems like gastric reflux from stress and triedness from bad sleep! No. Heart attack. Says the brain. Panic. Fear. It gets better. Then.. what if? God, what if? Fuck. The pain returns, but worse. And it doesn't stop. You see, bodies like to do this thing where panic causes stress, stress causes pain, and then the pain causes panic. And it just gets worse, and worse, and worse. Fucking brilliant!

6: ACID REFLUX: Love her! Know her well. Why is she here? No fuvking clue. Maybe the doctor can help! But it could be fucking ANYTHING. Stress. Thyroid issues. Stress caused by Thyroid issues. Stress caused by fear of thyroid issues. And she just doesnt stop. My god, how hard can it be to keep a sphincter closed.

5: FUCKING KNEES: These guys will just give out and be pain. Use your legs too much? Pain. Dont use them enough? Pain. They're just.. not a good design. Compared to the beauty of the human pelvis, the knees are a pathetic little hinge joint with very bad structural support. Meaning, they're often one of the first things to wear away. They just can't handle the pressure.

4: THE UTERUS: This might be controversal (if you're a fucking nonce or a conservative) but the uterus is an absolute nightmare of a bodymate. Who the hell does she think she is? "Oh? No baby this month?" she says. "Then suffer." She's the ultimate pro-life, bible-thumping moron. Better to just get a hysterectomy and call it a day.

3: THE APPENDIX: We know where this is going. The little vestigial punk just liked to get infected and explode sometimes. And theres not much we can do! It's her decision. But your consequences.

2: KIDNEY STONES: Kidney will see a large list of things and say "Is anyone gonna produce a large deposit of calcium" and then doesn't wait for an answer. Just.. drink your water. For the love of christ.

1: THE DAMN SPINE: Need I even explain? No, I will. Because this will be an issue for us all. Except the decent percentage of us who'll just randomly die from a large pool or random factors. ANYWHO.. What the hell? You have ONE job. (Okay, yeah, theres more, but lets think about this from a structural standpoint). ONE JOB - TO LET US BE FUCKING BIPEDAL BECAUSE, THANKS TO YOU, WE DONT HAVE A CHOICE. But no! After a few decades she'll give up and MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL. Back pain is the ultimate uniter of the human experience. And we'll all have to deal with her.

Now maybe ya'll can understand my hatred for the flesh prisions we call bodies - these are only the issues I could think of in the moment. There's so much more wrong in the body. Honestly, all we can do is look out for it. Eat healthy as possible, exersize, drink water, you know the drill. Because it will be a loong time before we can escape these prisions for the beauty of steel.